Monday, 30 July 2012

Hmmh! ... My journey to my heaviest!

Where do I start?!?!? 
Well .. I've never been small .. I think I was born fat!!! A month early!!!
Anyway through my 40 odd years there's been many a nasty word said to me .. each one hurt and made me hate myself more ....
Some of my nicknames were Chunky, Fishbowl, Splodgness ...
In sports I was always the last to be picked!
I had no friends to play with and used to spend my lunch times wandering around with the dinner ladies on duty for company (and so no one could be horrible to me!) .
The first boy, I told someone I liked, turned to me and said
"I spit at your feet, you disgust me!" Great start!

My childhood seems to have been made up of unhappiness due to my weight and bullies!  There were probably loads of other things too but those really stuck in my mind and shaped me to the way I feel today and my hating myself!

I'd do things, silly things like if ever I did get a party invite I'd go, and because we didn't have much money, for 'nice' foods I'd eat tonnes .. be sick and go back for more! (Awful I know .. I cringe even thinking about it ... but those early days weren't the last!)

Even though my first husband hated me being 'FAT',  when, after the divorce, I cleared out the loft I found my wedding dress and was surprised to see that it was size 20!!!!  So when he first met me I wasn't tiny!!!
All his awful comments about my weight etc were there from day one almost! 
So ... In the early years of marriage I lost a bit of weight with Rosemary Conley but was not encouraged by him  ."Half a pound! Is that all?" ...  "what's the point of spending all this money .. you're still fat!" .. things like that!
Having my two, gorgeous, wonderful babies .. never stopped him having a go at me either .. if it wasn't my weight it was something else .. even when I really nearly died, when my second Baby was 4 months old, with acute pancreatitis his comment to me was "it's because you're so fat isn't it?" ... Actually because I'd had a baby .. my internal organs had gone soft and some stones dropped out my gall bladder and blocked the pancreas .... Even his parents didn't visit me! I was in hospital for 10 days!
When he finally did leave me .. after threatening divorce if I didn't lose weight ... I rang his parents to ask to talk to him and said how he'd gone on about my weight and his Mum said  "well it is the whole package isn't it!" .. ie. well you are fat!!!!

These later years my first trip to SW, egged on by my boss, who accompanied me there every week!  started on the 10/04/08 weighing in at 17st 4lbs!
Probably not my highest as once I'd agreed to go I started eating, vomiting and trying to lose weight!
During my time there, I had ten weeks off due to a major ankle injury, which took longer to heal due to the excess weight!!!
Total weight loss .. 0 st  13.5 lbs!!!!!
Left there 15/01/09 .. I really wasn't in the 'zone' I wasn't doing it for me!

Later that year thought I'd try a more local SW group .. really didn't click with the Lady that ran it ... lasted 10 weeks ... started 23/06/09 at 17st 1lb ... finished 16.10  total loss 0st 5lbs!!!!  Rubbish!

Beginning of 2010 a new Rosemary Conley diet and fitness group started ... I did enjoy that and it ran till Oct when the lady gave it up!!! Started 18/01/2010 weighing 17st 1lb finishing 6/10/2010 weighing 14st 8lbs!   What's that? 2st 6lbs! I did enjoy that and was very sad when she stopped!

Now at Slimming World .. everything seems to have clicked into place, lovely lady running it, loving the way Extra Easy fits in with the whole family, obviously in the right frame of mind and actually doing something for me!
To date
Started 9/01/2012 weight 16st 7lbs
At the moment I weigh 13 st. 10lbs ... HURRAH!

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