Sh*t!!!!!

So here we are, the back end of 2019 and my temple of a body is more of a ruin!!!
I’ve savaged myself into a state when I now am officially viewed as a type II diabetic. I have fatty liver disease, diverticulitis, AF, arthritis and benign non positional vertigo.  So all in all going well.   I had a bit of a breakdown and left work, which I loved, because of not being able to cope with everything!!!  I’m so unhappy!!!   My problem is not doing anything about it ... plus my lovely hubby, who seems to be a feeder, doesn’t help!!!! I’m eat rubbish......my ‘go to’ for everything is food .... happy-eat, sad-eat, cold-eat, hot-eat, celebrate-eat, commiserate-eat ... see my drift?
Today I’ve had my bloods done to see which medications the doctors want to put me on!  Can’t wait to find out!!!!
This depresses me even more, yet I’m sitting here eating M&Ms!!!!!!!

Enough Said!  I need help... but where do I go!?!?!?!?

Wow!

Such a long time since I last posted ...
To be honest I've been very busy with getting myself better, being in hospital, again, with a scare, work (full time now) and getting my eldest to University! He's only been there a week and I'm missing him .. he's having a whale of a time though.... party, party party!!!!
Youngest is, having just started sixth form, enjoying life too ... party, party, party .. though, finishing at more sociable hours!!!
Well I have, once again, joined SW .. I had to find one that I hadn't failed at ... luckily, a lovely little group in the next door village and it's over the side of town where I work, so I can just go there straight from work! Result!
My weigh in was a bit of a shocker!!!!! but in three weeks I've lost 7.5lbs.. so that's ok!
I'm trying to lose enough, so it shows, a bit, by Christmas!
Here's hoping!!!

Happy Days!
xx

H E L P!!!

This has gone beyond bad...

My health is in a terrible state, my body is falling to bits.. 

I now have;

Arterial filberation

Oesto arthritis in knees, hands, wrists

Diverticulitis 

I'm at the state where I don't even look at myself in mirrors anymore... my body disgusts me, let alone anybody that has the misfortune of looking at me! (A think my ex taught me!).

The more I loath myself and tell my self off about the weight gain, the more I eat junk food.

One of the big problems also is the fact that I'm in full time work (a job that I love) and am knackered when I get home (probs because of all the excess weight I'm lugging around) so don't stand around chopping vegetables etc...

Ugh!

It just keeps getting worse!

I REALLY NEED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER, GET A GRIP AND SORT MYSELF OUT!!!!!

This continuous weight gaining is not good!  Not only is it wrecking any chance of recovery for my knees, it's costing me a fortune in Gaviscon as all this crap food I'm eating is playing havoc with my insides.. So, I think, fingers crossed, that tonight, I might join good ole SW again but at another group! Of course I know damn well if anything resembling an excuse turns up I will grab it with greasy fingers and not go!!!

My sore knee's really getting me down, and, because I'm relying on a crutch too, my neck and shoulder are suffering! My legs are very swollen and bulbus and my clothes look AWFUL, that's mainly because I got rid of my larger sizes when I lost the three stone I've now put back on!! The result of all this is me not wanting to be seen in public!!!

Ho hum

Happy Days!

I hate, hate, hate myself!

That is all!

Ugh!

Well, this is still my view!

I had to cancel my Physio appointment today, which I REALLY need,  as I still can't be away from the loo!!!  It's a pain because my leg is uncomfortable atm, and I need to get the Physio people to check it out!  Ho hum!!! 

No work either! 

Roll on feeling better!

Happy days! Xx

Ok! What now?

Well......

Not content with the uncomfortable tummy, the weight gain, the leg damage, the unhappiness.... Life's thrown me another lemon!!!

Major stomach cramps and diarrhoea!  

Day two now ... My bum's so painful :-( 

Ho hum!  Happy Days. Xxxxxx

A black day...

....for me today... For not only am I still looking at this view ..

But this morning I hit another stone zone in the wrong direction!!!!!

I haven't been this weight since my third weigh in at SW on the 23/1/2012!!!!

So, on the whole leg/ knee thing, I'm still very uncomfortable and no further on than I was three weeks ago .. In fact I'm pretty sure the calf has got worse!

The knee still hurts and I can't fully extend my leg without it feeling like it's going to snap! Therefore whenever possible I keep the leg elevated ... I presume it helps with the swelling, though one wouldn't think so if they looked at it!

I just love sporting crutches .. I always think they look so cool! NOT!!!!

Now, on the weight front I was devastated this morning ... Really couldn't believe it!

I can only put some of the gains down to my lack of movement, the rest is down to my spiral of unhappiness ... I gain weight, I hurt, I hate myself, I eat! I gain weight, I hate myself, I eat! I hurt, I eat, I'm unhappy, I eat .. You get the drift!

Back to Physio next week .. See what they have to say ...

Ugh! I hate me!

Still not there ....

...... yet!

Feeling really down and hating myself massively atm.
Just keep on gaining ..
Everything hurts! My knees, my back, my arms, my feelings ... all gone to pot!
Let's hope I can climb out of this pit of unhappiness real soon!

xxx

Ok ok

... So it's not all going as planned,  ... this week I've gained 2lbs!😞.

I can't get into the swing of it all and I've also climbed into a higher stone zone, which doesn't help my mood!!!!

Hopefully, maybe, perhaps after Easter I'll click into gear again?!?!?! 

Well, not bad!

Shed 1lb this week... Not bad, but could be loads better!!!!

Cooked some SW scones and weetabix muffins today.. Had the scones along with homemade chicken soup using our left over roast chicken from last night!

Happy days!  Xx

Sad!

I am feeling down in the dumps...

After a long chat with hubby we decided to give up Slimming World.. We were paying £100 every twelve weeks, and we weren't geting support from our leader.  How do we know this! Well, before we moved to this group we had a fab group where the leader was the most supportive, encouraging, caring, motivational person ever.... She cared for us as a person, felt our sadness, rejoiced in our happiness, supported our individual journeys ... I lost a lot of weight with her and in July.. Moved to this group... Here's my progress since July!

A long, slow, uphill gain!  

NOT GOOD!

So, we're going to see if we can do it on our own!   We both know what we should be doing. Bathroom scales have been purchased and a weight chart duly printed!  I really hope we can do this!

Chat soon!

OK .. so there you have it!

I had a gain of 3.5lbs!!!!!!

Too unhappy and uncomfortable to stay to group!  What a mess!!!

A wedding and two birthdays these next two weeks too!

Ho hum!

xxxx

So ...

.. today I am suffering for my terrible choices I made yesterday!
I went to the health food shop to get my golden linseed, after work, while hungry! Not my best move!
5 minutes later I came out with said linseed, peanuts and raisins in chocolate and a mix they call Roulette! Again, another bad move on my part!
I got home and then, wait for it, proceeded to eat my way through, not only one, but, each of the bags of mixed nuts! Really bad move!
Today, my sad, diverticulitis riddled gut is SORE!  All my own doing!!!!
Goodness only knows how many syns I consumed!!!

Today I'm drinking lemon water and feeling not only sorry for myself, but really really annoyed with myself and stupid!!!!

Ho hum!

What kind of eater am I???

.. An emotional one!
No surprises there then ...
I know, for sure, I turn to food whenever I'm sad, lonely, stressed .. you name it, I feel it therefore I eat!!!!
I took the BBC test after watching the programme they put on because this week is obesity awareness week!

This week has been pretty stressful I must say .. goodness only knows what the scales will reveal!!!

Happy days! x

Today proved a point ...

... planning is key to eating healthy!
We ended up going out to Van Hague in Peterborough ... I didn't have a decent breakfast, needed to eat, ended up eating junk and buying even more junk!
Two things, eat a proper breakfast and don't buy food when hungry as you end up with junk!
Lesson learnt ... again!
Enough said!

Urgh!!!!

Well having spent most of Christmas downing Gaviscon I'm glad to say I feel better being back on plan!!! It's taken a lot for me to realise that eating rich food is not good for my stomach!!!!

Cream, chocolate, butter, wine & cheese seem to be the main culprits, and to be honest, they are not SW friendly!!!!!

So, roll on Thursday, and my fist weight loss of 2015!

Happy New Year!

Xx

Just lost the plot!

I don't know what's going on ..
I'm so not in the zone ...
It's rubbish!
Hopefully going to group tonight to get my mind back into the right place!

How does Fruit and nut, crisps and a mince pie fit into the SW healthy lifestyle???
I've pushed, pulled, squeezed and cajoled and actually, it doesn't!!! 'nuff said!!!

An emotional week!

Phew!  Seem to want to cry lots atm .. and eat rubbish!!!!
So .. this is why ..... this week .....
Our lovely adopted rabbit had to be put down ... we had her for about 18 months ....she was a lovely, deaf, free roaming little thing who, after nine months with us, would allow me to stoke her!  I will miss her and her little twitchy nose!

One of Little Blue One's fish left us too!
Little Pink One had a sickness episode at school ...
I put on 2.5lbs!!!
A migraine (hadn't had one for a long while!)
Casualty on tv last night!!!!! What a shock! Me and Little Pink One cried and cried!!!!

Then to add to that .. and I'm really sad about it .. my new job, which I love, is giving me backache!!!  Now, I reckon I need words about how low the bottom drawer of the filing cabinet is and needing a new chair! I really want to stay there!

So, this week I need to lose my gain, have a little chat to my boss, brace myself for the next episode of Casualty and de- rabbit the garden so I don't keep spying her hutch and run (both of which she hardly ever used anyway!).

A lot to tell you ..

So ... What's been going on!... 
Well ....
1) I've just started a new job, as my previous one was beginning to take a toll on my knees and back (it wasn't the job I took on!  When I started there it was a home ware gift shop with lovely little gifts, cards, art .. things like that .. then we became a stockist for Annie Sloan paint .. which, by the way, is FAB! but, carrying pots of paint or crawling round on the floor looking for tester pots just wasn't what my knackered old body could do ~ now, in my mind I might be a sprightly 21 year old, but my body says 'hang on there you .. you can't do that!') .. so, sadly I had to leave! Having said that, after two days at my new job I'm loving it and it's still great! Lol! And I knotch up a bit of body magic to and from the workplace! So that's good!
2) Without the betablockers, my energy levels seem to have gone up, so that's fab!
3) My Little Blue One is settled in sixth form (after a very wobbly start at a different sixth form!) .. one relieved Mummy here I can tell you ...
And ....
4) My weight is coming off ... v e r y  s l o w l y!
It's all good though .. so for now
Happy Days!
x