Wow!

Yipeeee do dah! I was surprised to be nominated for Miss Slinky, but to be voted it was astounding!
I also got my two stone award tonight too (second time round but at least I'm still here eh!!).
I was nominated with 11 other lovely ladies, we all stood up front and told our stories of our battles and achievements ... and then we all voted ... and I was chosen!!!!

Here's the pic Rachel took of me...

Today, I am one happy bunny!

Serves me right!!!!

Tee heee!  Halloween treats for the trick and treaters!  I especially got a tub of treats that DID NOT have chocolate, so no temptation there .. Or so I thought! ... But no, this is me of course! I like drumsticks .. So I pinched one, un wrapped it, shoved it in my gob and bit down .... Crack! Pulled out said drumstick with half my back tooth attached! Blimey! There was my SW fairy giggling in the background!!!!

Doh!

What am I like ... Hubby went out caching and I was driving myself crazy trying to keep away from the treat box!!! Why do I do it????  VERY pleased to report though, that I did stay away, but, oh what a fight!!!!
Bless him though ... he brought a bar of chocolate back for us to share!  Why does it seem like it's a constant fight!!!! Bloomin' food!7

Past that date!

Well it's just over a year now since I went into hospital and, today, a year ago, was the day they cut me open!  

I was, stupidly I know, worrying that it might happen again! But, of course, it didn't!!!  

Having said that I'm still not 100%, in fact even today my tummy began hurting and doing the thing that's like having Braxton hicks! Most strange! 

Am I ever going to be back to where I was? I know the weight's not there yet, I gained .5 lb tonight, but will, apart from the ugly scar, my tummy ever not hurt again like before the op?!?!? 

So, to get back, weight wise to where I was a year ago I need to lose ... Wait for it!........... 1 stone 1.5 lbs!   Bummer!

I feel like giving up .. But I won't .... I don't think!

Fairly good week ...

... then today Little Blue One made hot cross buns!!!  I love hot cross buns .... So far I've shared one with Hubby and Little Blue One, pinched a bit of one that Little Blue One toasted and horror of horrors buttered! Then while trying to cook tea scoffed one without anyone knowing!!  See... I've no self control whatsoever! Now I'm peeved off and it's weigh in tomorrow!!!!!!
:-(

Busy, busy, busy!

Naughty me .. I've neglected my little blog .. but for good reasons .. I've a little jobette in the lovely shop that's selling my prints (that's also keeping me busy, with trips to the printers and the mounting of my work!) and I'm really enjoying it .. I only help out on Mondays and the odd Saturday, but it gets me out, keeps me out of mischief and away from the snack cupboard!!!!!
So the trips to and from the printer with printers proofs etc has been time consuming but it's been exciting .. I've now got prints in two sizes and cards in the shop as well on my website .. Passion, paper & paint!

Anyway, the last few weeks have been good .. a few little naughties crept in, but, nothing too much .. last week I lost 1.5lbs and this week 2lbs! Yipeee!
It's great cos Hubby's losing too and we're keeping each other on track!

Quiet!

Sometimes if you've got nothing to say ... then say it!

It's been quiet I suppose because mentally I feel down and physically I feel KNACKERED!!!

Still, on the positive front we've both lost these past few weeks .. though I doubt tomorrow will hold the same losses for us because, as we well know. it's been a naughty week ..  A sneaky chinese takeaway, a homemade yummilish chocolate cake, a humungus slice of carrot cake and a white roll!!!!  So we're both expecting a gain! Ho hum! It's out fault and we won't be surprised! (Actually I reckon it will be bigger for me as Big Blue One has done lots of bodymagic!)
Let's see shall weeeeeee...............

xxx

Well ....

.... no surprises there for me .. a 1LB gain!  
Wonder where that came from ..NOT!
So, about 7 bars of chocolate over 2 days = 1lb on!!!  I REALLY REALLY expected it to be so much more!

This week's going to be much better!

Watch this space!

Happy Days! xxxxx

Just sometimes ..

... I lay in bed and don't want to get up! I really hurt!!! I'm tired .. and I'm fed up and I wonder if it's worth it!  Then, when I do drag myself out of bed and spy my disfigured tummy in the mirror I feel a million times worse!!! Ho hum!
These days come and go like the seasons I suppose!
Really low days (rainy, cold, windy!)
Middle days (cold)
Happy days (bright, sunshiny, warm!)
They come, they go ... they don't always stay for too long!

I really want to love myself more!!!


The weight's a bit of an issue this week .. wonder what the scales will say!!!!

Bit sad ...

... Stayed the same today .. It is star week though (but one still hopes!!!!) !

Hubby well chuffed .. Lost 2.5 and was Slimmer of the week!  He has been trying really hard this week so ... go him!!!!!!  

 Had a super tea tonight from the SW magazine ... Steak au poivre!  Cor it was yum!

Happy days! X

Hurrah!

Another loss this week ... and Slimmer of The Month!!!!

 How chuffed am I???   Very.. to say the least!
We've been good on the free food items .. but the syns crept in and Hubby reckoned we'd gone over this week ... he's been very good about keeping track of them! Bless him!
He stayed the same and I lost 1lb!  Yipeeeee!

Free from Jail!!!

Tee hee .. We're back from a short stay here ... The House of Correction!

It was great.... a weird, whacky, spooky, dark impressive kinda place!

The narrowest building we'd seen!

It's owned by The Landmark trust and is in Folkingham, Lincolnshire ...

Underneath the building, through the hidden trap door are the four cells!  We went down there, with torches, but it was still scary .... and very cold!!!!

We had a fab view from our bedroom window ...

And a lovely one when sat in bed drinking our early, morning cuppa ... 

Whilst there we visited Lincoln, which was busy, but we loved it ...

And when we went to Sleaford we found an even thinner building ...

A teeny, tiny jewellery shop! Sooo cute!

We all had a super time, though I have to say, when away with the Littlies it's much harder to eat healthy!!!!!

Wonder what Tuesday's weigh in will hold!  

Happy days!

Still going ...

.. great guns! 
We've had a really good week, watched our syns ... and eaten TONNES of super free vegetables ...

We've had a couple of meals out, but have chosen carefully  ...
Tonight's meal was out of our hands .. it happens!
Early weigh in on Monday!

Happy Days! x

Really sad ..

.. today as one of my best friends is really sad .. her fiance has lost his job,  having had it taken back by one of their "friends"!  Now, all their future plans have fallen by the wayside and she's so very sad!
Life can throw us some curve balls sometimes, for sure! x

Yippee!

Well those few days in Paris, did me no harm whatsoever!  Happy bunny here ..2.5lbs off!   This is the beginning of my downward weight spiral!!!!   Xxxxx

I'm a gymnast!

Well not really, but, as I was going through our SW posts, I got to thinking about how we are all just doing our thing along the balance bar of life and sometimes we wobble a bit and sometimes we fall off!! 
It's not our fault ... just a little slip up and off we fall  (it's too easy, you see, as the balance bar is only thin)!!!  Falling off is all part of life! Wobbling is all part of life!!!  But we can soon sort it out, jump right back on and carry on to the final performance (target),  it might take months, it might take years but we'll get there.... because we want to!!  All we need is to:
Concentrate (plan),
Get the steps right (eat properly)
Have confidence in ourselves
Practice new moves (try different meals)
To get to that perfect performance! (Target).



Now! Off I go to chalk up my hands and get rid of my leotard wedgie!!!!

Home again ...

.. Well I can safely say we had a super fab time in Paris, the weather held out for us and the sights were spectacular! We both walked and walked and walked ..so lots of body magic, which is good.... The food, on the other hand, was a bit more of a minefield!!!!  I opted for salads as much as I could but they always seem to come swimming in oil!!! So I would drain whatever I could off and eat the rest, but two things sprang to mind whilst eating them ... 1,  was why do they put so much on and 2,  why do they enjoy eating VERY slimy leaves!!! No crisp salad leaves at all!!! How weird is that!?!?! 

No chocolate consumed whatsoever!!!! I can't believe it!!!!   And only two treats of pudding .. One crepe with Nutella and one creme brûlée, my most favourite of all deserts!!  

So I think our trip to SW, hubby joining too, before we went has helped me, certainly, make some different choices, right choices!   Who knows what the scales will tell tomorrow!  

Happy days! Xx

Paris... Lovely!

Whilst Paris is indeed a beautiful place, with lovely views, fab restaurants, a good metro system and fairly nice people .. It doesn't do much for ones, such as mine, self esteem ... All those petit French lovelies in their very petit pretty dresses made me feel like a right old heifer!!!!  I have had a lovely few days here, but, home on the morrow!  This little anniversary trip has, I hope, given me the kick start needed for my weight loss journey to start again! 

Happy days xxxx

Oh dear!

That's a bummer!
Something I hadn't had for a while and yet another reason I'm peeved with myself!

Camel toe!
My linen trousers that fitted so well, now produce this most unsightly affliction!!  Not a good look as far as I'm concerned!  Another failure reminder! :-(

Well tomorrow I'm off on a 5km walk in memory of Rita ... I do so miss her!



xxxxxxx

Sunny, windy Sunday!

Funnily enough .. today I feel very positive! 
A good brunch, prepared, eaten and enjoyed by everyone! Hurrah!
Evening roast, planned!
Bit of fun time with the family, done!
Chillin and a bit of networking for my new website, done!
Happy, chilled Sunday! xxx


Happy days!

Must take off my rose tinted specs! ...

... In my mind I'm gorgeous, slim, stunning, clever .. you know .. all those kinda things ...
Well yesterday I had a bit of a reality check and realsied I'm not!
I went into town to meet, have a coffee and a good old chat with my gorgeous, lovely friend. When she went off to work I pottered around town a bit ... it was hot!!!!  I thought  'I know, I'll pop into the charity shops to get a few more cooler clothes!' Simples!!!
Well I got;
a skirt (That'll look good on me, it'll hang nicely, it'll fit! I'll look great!)
a top (That'll go with the skirt nicely!)
another top (Bit warm for now, but in the cooler evenings ~ perfect!)
In reality;
a skirt ( looks like I'm wearing a big white tent! My tummy's so big the skirt stands out miles from my legs ... I look MASSIVE (cos I am!), what was I thinking!!!!)
a top (fits ok .. but, boy, what are those flabby, wobbly bit under my arms!!!! Plus it looks huge on with the skirt cos the skirt sits out so far!!!)
another top (Yeah right! Who was I kidding eh! Me get in a size 18! Was I having a laugh!!!)
So,  I must dispose of my rose tinted specs and face the truth .. I'm not stunning, gorgeous and slim .. I'm fat, ugly, short and should hang my head in shame .. oh and stop eating crap!!!!!

Happy Days!

x

Heat!

I don't know if this heat is having a good or a bad affect on me ... on one hand I'm not as hungry but on the other, I'm too hot and tired to do anything ... right down to naughtiness of naughtiness eating take away pizza!    I hear you gasp!!!!!!!
Little Blue One asked if he could have one .. and I said yes ... two medium pizza, garlic bread, wedges, and 2 Ben and Jerrys between 4 of us later .. I felt guilty!!!   Another good day bites the dust!!!!

Oh dear!

That lovely little weight loss I had last week .. I found again!!!
Never mind eh! I've had a busy week/weekend  and many meals were out of my control so I'm not surprised ... and oddly I'm not sad about it either!!!!
One exciting thing I've been working on with my son, and it's now live, is my website! I'm well chuffed with it!

Do take a peek!



Happy Days!

Phew!

I'm mentally exhausted today ... Really low... I've had a couple of, to me, major events over the last few days and now I'm done in! 

I'm really missing Little Blue One who's having a great, albeit very tiring time at work experience in the City, bless him and I can't wait for him to come home tomorrow!

My Little Pink One had dental surgery on Friday .. A very hot, long day indeed .. And it was hard to be strong and not show my worry!  Anyway I was with her when she went under and then I cried .. So I had managed ...

Everything went well .. She came round giggling, sore, bloody and swollen, but giggling!!!  bless her!  She was five teeth lighter .. Three baby teeth that were hanging on in there, a perfectly good adult tooth that had to be removed because she hasn't got the adult one on the other side to match!  (A thing from her Father (interesting actually as her father hasn't got either of his, her brother has only the opposite one, so between them there're the same as their father! ) The other interesting thing is both the Littlies are under the same company Anglian Orthodontics, but Little Blue One at Cambridge and Little Pink One at Hinchingbrook... Little Pink One has had her one removed and the braces will space all the rest of the teeth out evenly so she'll look symmetrical,  but, Little Blue One has kept his and will be having a false one put in to make his smile symmetrical!  So, same company, different views on how to deal with the same problem!!!).

The last adult tooth LPO had removed was impacted into her jaw so they had to cut into her jaw a bit to remove it .. From what I can see, there's three stitches!

That night, needless to say I didn't sleep well as I kept checking that she was alright ... She was, bless her and she slept through, she was exhausted! 

We had a quietish weekend as LPO was sore and swollen and that gave me a chance to brace myself for Monday.

Monday: the day Rita was laid to rest!  My chance to say my goodbyes to a beautiful, bubbly woman who has left a gaping hole in my life.  A lovely, Humanist ceremony, on yet another hot, sunny day!  The birds were singing, the flowers shone in the sun and Rita slid away behind the curtains... A chocking moment!  Good night Rita, sleep well!

Time to sort myself out ..I'd lost 1.5lbs this week .. A first for a very long time!

Off out for lunch with a soft, calm, petit lady with an aura about her .. I love meeting with her!

I'll get there, I know I will!!!!

 Xxx

Sad ... again ..I'm such a SELFISH COW!

... I was ironing my Little Blue One's shirt, that's all .. but it made me feel sad .. things are happening and I feel I'm losing too many people albeit in different ways ... Rita going has hit me in a big way, one ~I cannot even describe, because I don't really understand it! ...  LBO is staying with his dad for the next few weeks because he's doing work experience in London with him .. and I just feel it's another step away from me and into his big wide world ... I feel/I know he'll have a great two weeks!
LPO is so independent now, bless her!  I don't need to sort her out in the mornings for school, pack for her weekends away .. do her hair ...silly things that I used to do... nothing! I'm so not needed!
My babies' are so growing up! (I know I should be happy, and I am .. but I'm also sad .. I'm so very proud of them).

This is all me feeling sorry for myself, for my loss, for my inadequacies, for my lack of will power! For my lack of being ...
I need to sort myself out .. I'm all over the place, cry at the drop of a hat, eat anything that stays still long enough and is small enough to fit in my cake hole!!!!

Right!  Enough of this Me, Me Me ....

Slimming World .... here I come!

Our last conversation ...

..is weighing on me ..

I keep thinking about Rita's last conversation with me and it makes me really want to cry.   We both had come to the conclusion that we had failed!  Failed in our pursuit to loose weight ... And we were very sad about that .. Since dec 2012 Rita hadn't been right, hadn't been her usual, fluffy, funny self!  The hospital kept messing with her drugs and not getting it right!  But last week, finally, it seemed she had turned the corner and she was back to her jolly self, chirpy, wicked and sorting all her craft goodies out! She was the happiest she'd been for a while but was despondent with the weight she'd gained whilst all her meds were wrong.. But we were going to sort it, we were fed up but we were going to sort it ...

"Don't worry Rita, we'll get through it together!"

"Of course we will,"

"Lots of love~ see you soon."

"Bye, God bless mate!"

But we won't will we, we can't and we never will!

I'm sad that our last thoughts were of failure and that's made me angry that the weight of not losing weight made us sad and frustrated ... Is that the way it should be?

Today I lost a part of me.

Today I lost a very close, loving friend.
Taken away suddenly, too soon!

To me, Rita, you were ...

Little: I could put my arm around you for a hug and you fitted in the crook perfectly.

Wicked: You had the most naughty, wicked sense of humour. Your eye's twinkled with wickedness!

Giggly: I missed many a snippet of information because of you telling me something to make us giggle.

Soft: I loved giving you a peck goodbye on your soft cheek.

Nagging: Oh you did tell me off if I'd not looked after myself properly, or done something I shouldn't have! Or indeed eaten something naughty (but we'd laugh about it because you'd have done the same!).

Caring: Rita you really did care about me, you took over when my Mum said to me 'sod You!' and hasn't spoken to me since ... You weren't going to be kept away from seeing me in hospital, you checked I had done all the things I needed to, asked the right questions, and always checked if I needed you to come with me to the hospital. You were there to listen to me, to guide me, to care about me and my family!

Supportive and strong:  You were a tough cookie alright, no nonsense, no faffing, straight talking, big loving life buoy and I loved you for it!

Open: Rita, you were always truthful and open and honest! I knew you said what you felt and how you saw things... A spade was indeed a spade to you!

Creative: you loved all the twiddling, fiddling, experimenting, that craft's offer .. We had many a good conversation/class about cards and knitting and sewing. You were going to teach my Little Pink One to sew (which she was so looking forward to). Every little bit and bob could be used for something... You saw possibilities in everything.

Sensitive: People hurt you  ... You hated unhappiness and took it really hard if someone turned on you, all you ever did was give, and some people just took, took took and that hurt and bewildered you, that made your friends and George and Colin sad.

There was so much more for us to do Rita, we were going to put the world to rights, then decorate it with loveliness, fill it with cards and make everyone happy! We were going to go out and enjoy it!

Rita, for a little lady you've left a big hole in my life!

I shall never forget you, my lovely!

Rita, I know there were lots of things you did that I, obviously, never had a part in, like your bingo, your family and things like that... But I did hear of them ... I wish them all the strength and love they'll need to carry on without you! My thoughts, love and sympathy go out to them all.

Sleep in peace Rita, may there be a Big Shot up there for you!  God bless Mate!

Rita:  21April 1933 ~ 23 June 2013

Well what a week ..

... still feeling down & fed up ... fed up with aches and pains and now the added worry of a largish mole/ spot type thing!
Sooo ...
A trip to the hospital for an ultrasound on my lumpy tummy ~ wait to hear results (though he did kinda mention he didn't think there was anything horrid in there!! He took lots of pics and measurements!)
A trip to the Dr's for a look at my mole thingy on my shoulder and the itchy mole on my front! ~ She's going to refer me to the dermatologists, she said it's a bit flared up ~ wait for an appointment!
Watch this space!

Having said that I've been moving around a bit more .. so that's good!!! .... And .. had a fine day yesterday when my little pink one turned into a teenager!  Love her!

Chicken'd out last week ..

... thinking about doing it again this week!!!! Slimming World is not slimming me!

What a lot going on at the moment ... I have a scan tomorrow to see what all this lump business is about .. and possibly another laparoscopy  to follow with the understanding that if he finds something he WILL open me up and it WILL set me back!!!!!!! Ho hum!  Happy days ... NOT!

So .. once again, sitting  here thinking about things and I was wondering if I'm feeling very negative towards my weight loss gain... and was thinking if I started again ... it wouldn't seem so bad that I'd, in Oct 2012, lost 3 stone and now I've put on about two of them!!!!!  Start with a clean slate and try again!!!!  What do you reckon?!?!?!
Anyway ... let's see what tomorrow brings!

What an emotional day that was!

Phew!  That was hard going on the emotional front I must say!  The thing is I'm really at a low... Fed up with pains, fed up with my inability to actually lose weight, fed up of living on painkillers and yesterday I really felt on my own, like I have no one to talk too!  (wonder if all these painkillers are making me feel so sad?) 

Anyway, luckily for me, I have a great support group in the form of my Slimming World friends, and there are lots of them, who offer comments of encouragement and support in times of need. Even the lovely ones who don't know me that well!  They are all there keeping me and others bobbling along on the road to our goals... Thank heavens for them all!!!   Xxxxxx I took all their comfort yesterday and used it as well as I could.  My fab consultant took to the phone and we had a good chat albeit a bit teary from my end and I actually felt a bit positive by the end! Hurrah!  What happened later on though, knocked me for six...  Long story - short... My Mother's not talking to me, hasn't done so for two years 4 months now! It hurts! 

Well, my son and I had to get some Molly lady fish for his tank so popped off to HGL! As we parked I noticed my mothers and step fathers car parked there too ... My mouth went dry, my emotions went into over-drive and my poor son, bless him, was keeping me chatting and jolly! We spent the next 45 mins trying to avoid them... Why you may ask.. Well I couldn't face another snub/ rejection... Another nail in my coffin of utter uselessness!!! I knew if I saw them I'd need to say hi, ask how they were.. You know.. The usual pleasantries ...and I knew that my step dad would try to answer and that my Mum would either turn away or say some sarcastic comment ... So why do that to myself?  I did ask my Son if he wanted to see his Nan, but like he said, 'no, why? She hadn't seen me for two years, she might not even recognise me!!!'.  

How sad is that eh? Trying to avoid one's own mother!  That was an emotionally draining moment!!

Popping to my SW group was a good thing for me last night... To be amongst lovely, like minded people.. All with their own routes to their goals!   I sat and listened, didn't speak!  Just was there!   I needed that!  Thanks for being there!   Xxxxxx

Wow! What a day!

So it went like this ...
Got up at 6:45 am for a walk around the park, a good 2 miles!
Breakfast: half a grapefruit, boiled egg, a muller light yogurt.
The morning spent standing, painting.
Lunch :  large green salad, ham, new potatoes.
Afternoon, shopping, lots of bodymagic with a quick pit stop at Costa for an Americano.
Tea: SW bolognaise, wholemeal pasta, green salad. Fresh fruit for afters.
Another quick walk before bed!

Then I woke up, and realised it was all a dream and that really .. I'm a fat, useless, no good dieter!

Come on .. come on ...

... where's my willpower, my happiness, my fighting spirit?  It's all gone at the moment!
I soooo need it back ~  It's scarey!

Just sayin' ..

... eating three toffee crisps, though yummy, is not good!

Anyway ....
I was taking stock of everything that is going on directly in my circle of close family, then all my ripples outwards of friends and family .. and decided that there's a lot of $h*T going on .... and I thought maybe, directly or indirectly, I'm soaking everything negative up like a sponge and getting bigger!!! I am, and no doubt, always will be, an emotional eater .. I happy eat, I sad eat, I stress eat, you name it, I eat it!!!! And that's not good!
One thing I've yet to discover is how to get over this problem ... maybe I should turn into a hard bitch and not care ~ but that really isn't me!
Maybe I should just try to let things float on past me ~ but I try to help where I can! I need to halve everyone's upsets!
Maybe I should get rid of all the people with problems! Yeah, right!   Like I'd do that!!!! I love my family and friends (even the ones that no longer love me!)
So I really need to find me a fail safe mechanism to protect me from eating crud!
Maybe I've too much time on my hands to sit and think these deep thoughts!!!!
Maybe I should ...
Maybe I should .....
Maybe I should ........ WHAT!!!!!

Well thank you body ...

.... for giving me a super little cold sore on my lip .. just to add to my loveliness ...!!!
Feeling so ugh .... it's uggish!

What to do ...

.... There's something going on .. but I'm a bit scared, and am dragging my feet about what to do about it!
In some respects I don't want to know!!!!  But I suppose I must!

There! Done it .. this morning 24/5 .. I booked to see my consultant!

The Blues ...

"I went to get weighed .... da na da nah
I'd put on again .... da na da nah
I was really fed up ....  da na da nah
'Cos I'd already paid .... da na da nah
I had a good chat .... da na da nah
I felt better again .... da na da nah
I drove myself home .... da na da nah
And my tummy was sore .... da na da nah
I had a quick feel .... da na da nah
and a lump there was found .... da na da nah
Really feel down now .... da na da nah
Too down to get up .... da na da nah
What should I do now .... da na da nah
I'll fill up on grub!

That's what I've got today...

Oh Blimey! ...

... It's all gone to pot again ... not as bad as last week, but still off the rails!!!!
I'm doing alright till about 5ish then I REALLY crave chocolate .. and that's all I can think about!!!
Ho hum!

xx

Really hate myself ...

... today I'm totally disgusted with myself .. had a good long think about it .. and I'm not happy!
This past week I have been real bad food wise, and am too embarrassed to even tell hubby about it!
I need to talk to my Little Pink One about it because it involves her .. and shall I tell you how!!!
Hidden, in my knicker drawer, is a partly eaten Leonidas chocolate hen. Little Pink One had bought it for her friend when they went with their Dad to Belgium in half term, only, she hadn't given it to her friend, she'd forgotton about it and I found it when I tidied her room.
I put it on her shelf and told her about it ... and there it sat, and it sat and it sat... I think she's forgotten about it again. Anyway, yesterday I was at a low, so I casually meandered upstairs, cut the bag open carefully as it was very noisy, and ate some of it!  Now, what makes this even worse is the fact that it's strong dark chocolate and I don't like strong dark chocolate, but I ate it anyway then felt sick! 
What kind of person does that???
ME .. a big fat out of control pig with no willpower whatsoever!
With that said .... I shall now go and eat some more .. because I'm unhappy!!!!!

There's just no helping some people!!!!

And now, to top it all off .. all the lovely ladies on FB are putting up all their fab losses!  Well done to all of them, so wish I could join them!! xxxxx

.. and so I desended ...

.... into a pretty bad week!  One thing after another and certainly not enough planning this week has surely paved the way for a gain for me tomorrow .. all my own doing and all my own fault!
I really mustn't let chocolate into the house ... I can't stop myself reaching for it at times of unhappiness or stress!!!
I must plan for my shop this week and start tomorrow with a better attitude!

xxxxx

Another one down ...

... hurrah!
Another pound off this week .. not quite the three I was hoping for, but a loss is a loss ... is it not!!!  ??????????????????????????????
I was a bit upset, for the first time, by Hubby's reaction! 
"Is that all?"  
Now, I'd have expected it from first hubby, but not this one!!! Bit sad really!

Still, had a lovely chat with some of my gorgeous SW friends over a cup of coffee this morning ... always lovely, with lots of hugs thrown in too! As usual we put the world to rights! LOL!

Might get a spot of body magic in later .. with Little Blue One's paper round .. which I will need as a couple of Freddo's jumped into my mouth, just after toffee crisps!!!! (emotional eating at it's finest!!)
Why is it men spend time looking at pop stars and models and the like? Makes one feel well fat and ugly!

Happy days (sort of!)

xxx

Oops!

Had a nice coffee and chat with two of my lovely SW friends in one of their gardens today ... the sun was out .. and look how hot it was!!!

The tops of my feet got a tad too much sun!! Ouch!

I again had a good breakfast, my smash scones for lunch and a 'fly in' curry for tea .. plain boiled rice,  salmon tikka and a tiny bit of nann to try Little Pink One's korma sauce!  Lots of salad too!  Yummilish!

Happy Days! x

Hhmmmh!

I got to thinking about my eating habits and last night wondered if I wasn't doing breakfast right ... Normally Hubby brings me a coffee and an Alpen Light bar in bed so I can take my first painkillers of the day ... then when I finally meander downstairs I might or might not have a banana or something else .. but of course, come lunch time, I'm really hungry ... I eat a good meal, then my stomach starts working, making horrid noises (Dr says that might be because my intestines have adhered to the underside of my abdomen!) and before you can say Jumpin' jacks I need to rush to the loo ....
So a change of tact this morning .... Coffee in bed ( I so need that to even know who I am and what on earth I'm doing!!) as usual ... then a tad later this proper breakfast ...

Berocca with my 3 tsp golden linseed (2.5 syns for a healthy gut!),  Cereal with semi skimmed milk (HE), Muller light yogurt, and a banana plus my painkillers ... let's see how the day pans out!

Lunch ... Mini quiches, big green salad and Heinz 70% Salad cream (2 syns) and a big glass of water ...

Not sure if I'm drinking enough!
Rushing round this afternoon .. helping Little Blue One do his paper round, pick Little Pink One up from an after school samba rehersal, taking my friend to the hairdressers ... all go here!

Tea was the SW 'KFC' chicken with SW chips, well cubes! ... I forgot to take a pic before I started ... here's one part way through!

Whilst I had the smash etc out for the chicken I also knocked up the smash cheeses scones for lunch tomorrow! Yum!

The only extra syns were whilst watching Master Chef and all the yummy food ... I had a Philadelphia chocolate dunker at 8.5 syns!

Interesting ... I managed the whole day without actually feeling like I needed nibbles because I was hungry .. obviously eating proper meals really does keep you going!

Happy Days! xxx

Sunny day ...

... lovely!
Went into town today to meet my best buddy for coffee .. went to the Riverside Tearooms, sat by the river, drank herbal tea and caught up on the week's doings! Bliss!
Alpen Light and banana for breakfast.
SW chips with egg for lunch.
Chicken for tea!
Might even get a spot of body magic in later too, by helping Little Blue One do his paper round ... I'll see how my slightly swollen, sore knee's feeling!

Happy Days! xx
3603 steps .. no paper round!

Phew!

Finally ... I've lost!
2 pound this week ... am I mighty glad!?!?!
So I feel a lot more positive now, which is great!
This morning, pinapple, Alpen Light bar and a cup of coffee for breakfast ... something eggy for lunch and the SW 'KFC' chicken with SW chips for tea!
Not too sure about walking at the moment ... my knee's killing me!!! Bummer!

Happy Days!

14st 8lbs.
4095 steps.

Hopefully ok ...

I hope tomorrow will be ok scales wise .. I've had a good week .. went a little bit astray over the weekend, but hopefully not too badly!!!
Had a good walk around Ferry Meadows today .. blew the cobwebs away .. but did have a cheeky slice of carrot cake (a personal favourite!!!) with my diet coke!
Saw this lovely train whilst wandering around!

 Happy days! x

8602 steps.

Better than last week ....

.... even though it was, yet again, a gain!!!!

No seriously though .. it was only a small one ~ 1lb .. which now makes my total loss 1 stone 12lbs!
I think if I'd gained any more than two it would have been a down week!!!
So a positive start to Tuesday morning, (Alpen light bar, coffee semi skimmed milk) ... Tuedsay lunchtime(baked potato, beans, 25g cheese) .. Tuesday tea time(SW Chilli and rice, pineapple for pud) .. this morning(Alpen light, coffee semi skimmed milk) W=into town for coffee with best buddy and drank herbal tea!  .. this lunch time (SW mini quiches, that I made last night, salad, 70% salad cream and mini pot of Philadelphia lightest with 3 crackerbreads)!! Yeeeehhhaaaaaaa!  All's good! One and a half good days under my belt!
Tonight's tea will be either SW chips with SW 'KFC' chicken or the SW Thai green curry made with the greek style coconut yogurts that are .5 syns each!
Another bit of body magic tonight in helping Little Blue One do his paper round .. it is a lovely, sunny day!!

I want to say 'I think I might have got my mojo back' .. but I don't want to jinx it!

Happy Days! xxx

8768 steps.

The slippery pole ....

.... to unhappiness!  And I'm on it!  The more I eat, the more I put on weight, the more unhappy I am, the more I eat!!!!!!!!  I wanna jump off .. so why can't I!
Well, I was asking myself this only last night, whilst telling myself off for chickening out of going to my lovely SW group of supportive ladies and gentlemen (and they are), and I think it's the feeling of failure I'll get if I go, weigh in and have gained again, I don't want that! .. I'm sure I will have gained what with birthdays and eating out last week, and kiddies chocolate eggs.. and, and , and .. shoving anything that doesn't move into my mouth!!!!!  So I worry about it, whilst eating rubbish, and put it off, and worry about it and eat, and worry about it, and put it off .... 
Can I take another "You're rubbish, can't you do anything right" feeling I've had pummeled onto me in the past!!!!
Right need to get my happy, smiley, jolly face on ready for the afternoon .. and stop eating white chocolate cookies(that I didn't need and bought along with a white roll!!! *See how rubbish is that!!!)

Happy Days!

Pain ..

.. well no surprises there .. my tummy's well peeved off with me doing all those steps over the last few days!  Still, I can sit and watch the Lord of the Rings dvd s Little Blue One got for his Birthday!  Give it a bit of a rest!

Walked my little socks off ...

.. Today was my Son's birthday.. he wanted to go to London for the day .. Great idea and I was full of it, though a bit unsure of how my tummy would cope .. anyway we set off to catch the train to Kings cross, then on the underground to Piccadilly Circus ... we walked up Regent's Street, across New Bond Street, up Maddox Street, round Berkeley Square, along Davis Street to Oxford street and caught the tube back to the station from Marble Arch ... taking in shops along the way, a bit of fuel in Brown's, fun in Hamleys, culture in Libertys and wonderment in Selfridges! All in all an expensive (train fare £96 for 4!!!!!), fun, interesting kind of a day! 

Steps 13027

OK ....

.... well the past two days haven't been too bad food wise ... Only 2 chocolates yesterday .. and none today!!! 
Went into Cambridge with The Littlies  .. we needed to leave room in the house for things that were being done and hubby was overseeing!
We walked to the bus stop and caught the guided bus, got off and wandered around the Grand Arcade.. The Littlies wanted lunch so we ate at Jamie's Italian, which was nice as I love the building, but too over priced I reckon...I had a burger, no chips or sauces or anything! Then the littlies, a bit later, wanted creamy coolers from Costa, I had diet coke (I love the creamy coolers!).. I did though try a little sip of them both! ... done lots of walking ...Chicken thai curry tonight SW style!

Happy Days!

10370 steps.

Bloomin' yo-yo...

that's what I feel like ... a bloomin' yo-yo ... but with a rubbish controller!!!
You know what it's like when you first try to have a go at yo-yoing ... up and down it goes for a few times, then it climbs up the string a bit less, it goes down, it climbs up a bit less, it goes down more, it climbs up even less, goes down.. until finally it doesn't climb back up the string again!!  That's what I'm like at the moment ...
8lb on after my months of recovery...
1.5 lbs off ...
5lbs on ....
1lb off ....
Last night (to really cheer me up!)  4lbs on!!!!

I'm nearly that yo-yo rolling on the floor needing to be picked up and have the string wound round again!
BUT .... 
THAT'S NOT GOING TO HAPPEN! (I hope!).

I CAN DO IT!!!!  I CAN SHED MY UNWANTED STONES!!!!

Monday market

The Littlies and I got dropped off in town to have a wander ... we looked around the, slightly busy, Monday market... always interesting ... looked in a few shops, went for lunch at Surf and turf which does a good meal deal, yummy fish and chips for us Pinkies and omelet with cheese and ham for Little Blue One... wandered round a few more shops, got creamy coolers in Costas (the Littlies favourite!!) and called Big Blue One to come and get us ...
The evening was rounded off by The Blue Ones cooking tea whilst I went to SW! Not happy!!!

6085 steps

Ouch!

Don't know why that happened .. but two really bad chest pains within a journey into town .. needed two stops, back rubbing and walking about to get rid of the 5-10 mins attacks!!!  Normally it's one medium attack, a bite to eat and that sorts it .. but eating after the first attack never helped and along came the second humdinger!!!  Another was averted in the middle of the night by glugging gaviscon!

Got rid of some of my excess weight!!!

By having my hair cut .. It needed drastic action as my illness and stress seemed to have turned my hair to straw!!!  (Not what I really wanted, but, needs must!!!)

Not much I can do about my sore dry eye patches .. apart from moisturise them (I think!).

 My mouth ulcers are being rinsed with Corsodyl daily and my teeth, well, they're just being brushed carefully!

I do hope everything settles down soon ... Fed up.com!!!

Last night did a 1.2 mile walk average of 23 mins for a mile! Not too bad ...

Still feel a bit like an ostrich ... Head in sand and all that as regards to SW and healthy eating .. Kind of in the mode of 'if I don't know the syns of what I'm eating, then there aren't any'!!!!!  NOT GOOD!

Now tell me .. how do you feel?

.. Rubbish!
This is terrible at the moment ... I really cannot get my head around healthy eating ..
My body's falling to bits and I'm incredibly unhappy ...
Now, I know there are loads of people far worse off than me and I'm very lucky that my wonderful Hubby, Children, In-laws and Dad are very supportive and caring .. but, I'm so low!
I've a mouth full of ulcers, my eye's have gone dry, red and puffy, my teeth hurt, my hairs turned to straw ... I still need my painkillers and last weeks weight gain really was a blow!
Needless to say I'm here tippy tapping on my keyboard rather than attending SW .. I just can't face it!
Why oh why can't I do this?!?!?
I've planned all the meals for the week again .. not got any chocolate (apart from two eggs for my Littlies!) .. not picked up any sweets ... let's hope it works for me this week ..

My Dad's at the oncology department this morning so am waiting on his call, and I'm about to walk to my hairdressers to see what we can do about my hair!
It's another week ....
Let's hit it!

Planner ..

Here's my meal planner ... I sit with all the recipe cards and decide what we're having, do the shopping with the meals in mind and what ingredients are needed.. then, when the shopping comes, depending on the use by dates, I slot them into the day pockets!  I keep my eye open for different meals that I think the Littlies will like too ... as I use the cards I sometimes make changes to the instructions or ingredients depending on how they turn out!

as you can see yesterday was SW Lasagne which was yummy!

I don't think, once again, that this week's going really well as I'm eating bits of rubbish in between SW meals!  Still, let's wait and see!
Been for a quick mile walk this evening .. 1 mile in 20.05 mins!

Happy Days! x

Bugger! What a shocker!

5lb on today! That was a surprise! I knew I'd put on .. I couldn't not have .. but 5lb on .. really!!!!
Ho hum!
Today's another day, this week's aother week ... going for a loss next Monday!
All meals planned and shopped for ..
Let battle commence!

Happy Days! x

Another quick one ..

... me and hubby went on a walk last night .. another quick one ..  23.31 mins to walk a mile!  'Twas a tad cold and rainy but we enjoyed it... we stopped to look at the stars peeping out from the wafting clouds too, that's why it was a bit slower!

Tried and failed ...

... well I tried 24 hours without painkillers and it didn't work!!! I was most uncomfortable ~ Not major pains, just very uncomfortable ... my scar felt too tight, my lower tummy achy and a few pulley bits along the top that made me stop what I was doing!!! What also upset me too was the fact that all my other aches and pains were back too! Sore hips, sore back, sore thumbs! I couldn't lift my leg to paint my anti fungal liquid onto my big toe (another nice thing that's sprung up!!!). I certainly felt like I'd walked miles after out 1 mile walk!!  Oh I am falling to bits!

Getting faster ...

... Our little walk out last night was my fastest yet ... 21.40 mins a mile! Yipeeeee!

Where's my mojo ...

... I really can't seem to sort myself out! I'm so into eating sweet things!  My meals are SW friendly but I'm eating rubbish in between!  What's going on?!?!?

Phew! He's home!

Dad's home, they released him with strong antibiotics and the request that he goes to his GP and also has a follow up appointment in 6 weeks time. He's tired and weak but he says he feels ok .. had a terrible time getting back home though as the snow was really heavy on the south coast!  Relieved is an understatement!  Still not back in my SW zone though!!!

What a difference a day makes....

... My Dad was rushed into hospital Tuesday .. a suspected heart attack ... he's still there now though the hospital think he's only got a major chest and bladder infection (fingers crossed that's all it is!) though we need to wait until the infection has cleared before they'll do an angiogram to make sure it wasn't his heart ~ going in via his wrist because of his aneurysm. Get well soon Dad ~ I love you! xxx
Well what did I do???
Turned to chocolate! Ate so much I was sick!! Now that's not going to help anyone is it!! Why oh why do I do it! Two days now I've been eating out of control! Stress is rubbish when it comes to food consumption!  Goodness knows how many syns I've consumed these past two days...
Roll on Dad coming out of hospital! xxxx

Yipeeee!

1.5 lbs off .... that'll do me thank you very much ...
I reckon I didn't have enough super free last week ... but will try to do so this week .. nothing planned, so hopefully nothing to stand between me and the 'new stone zone'!
Last night we did a super speedy mile too .. well chuffed.. 22.52 mins per mile!

Fun Friday!

Alpen Light bar and a banana for breakfast ... then off into town today for coffee with the girls ... 4 of us today .. usually only the two of us .. so we all had a good chat and a giggle. Then a quick stop at Superdrug for a mask and leave in conditioner to sort out my VERY dry hair!  Then off  on a meander to get a top from a lovely lady near town .. I feel in love with the top but it's a size 16 so I said I'd have it and shrink down to fit into it!!! Got it home and it fits anyway! Yipee my first size 16 since I was about 16!!!!! Tee heee!
Homemade pea and ham soup for lunch .. nice but a tad too salty today ... I think I needed more water!!
A cheeky Chai Tea Latte (4.5 syns) with my second Alpen bar for my afternoon cuppa! Nice!

Going well so far ..

... I certainly feel more positive than I have for a while, the only downer being that on Tuesday I tried to see if I could go with out the painkillers .. I cant!!!! Ho hum!
Anyway it's all good on the SW food front .. filling up on bananas, pineapple and good things not the Turkish Delight chocolate, the McCoys crisps and the toasted hot cross buns with real butter I was eating!  I'm drinking water, diet pepsi and one 'treat' drink unlike the 4-5 treat drinks I was washing all my food down with!!!!
The evening meal had to be a Dominos pizza (the slow cooked ham wasn't ready!) .. so the others had that whilst I did a jacket potato, mixed veg and my He A 40g low fat cheese! Nice!
So roll on Monday and the SW scales!

Happy Days!xx

Back to my lovely SW group...

It had to be done .... I was sat in bed this morning and suddenly thought I'm fed up with this pain ruling my life I want some control back, so, without further ado I got up, got dressed, put myself back in the car and went to group! A 8.5 lb gain, I'm cool with that because it's not bad seeing as I've been poorly since 19th October, had my intestines pulled out and shoved back in again, eaten lots of low fibre stuff (which really doesn't fill you up!!) and, because ''I'm poorly'' eaten chocolate!!!! I've not done any exercise or anything so in fact I'm well chuffed all ways! Thanks to all the Ladies there for my lovely welcome back with lots of hugs ... it was great to see how well everyone was doing...   Happy Days! xxxx

Upping the speed ...

.. on the walk this evening...
 1.1 miles and the average has gone to 25mins per mile! Hurrah! Last time it was 30 mins to walk a mile and now it's come down!  Well pleased!
Happy Days!

Cor! Windy or what!!!

Well that was a horrid experience .. enema, camera up bottom, home ...
Got to the hospital and taken to my room, changed into lovely hospital gown and laid down on my side for the enema "Try to keep it in for 10 mins" the nurse said ... well by about 8.5 mins I was sweating and quivering .. 10 mins that's it ... rush ta'loo!  Evacuate bowels!
Get rolled, on my bed, into procedure room, have the cannula inserted and the sedative added,  then off up my bottom goes my consultant with his camera, well not him up my bottom, but the camera!! ''Look on the screen'' he says, ''it's interesting'' ..but I'm too busy sucking on the gas and air like there's no tomorrow to even contemplate looking!! But, as well as the uncomfortableness of it all .. I'm well aware that my bottom's emitting a lot of wind!!!! Great! How charming!
Still, when I finally do look at the screen, it's just as he's pulling said camera out and I see my magnified, hairy bottom larger than life on the screen! Brilliant, that made me feel a million times better!!!! Tee hee!
So what with wind, hairy bottom and general indignities of stuff going on 'down below' it was a truly memorable day!!!

Poo!

... Just when I thought I'd turned a corner and was feeling a lot better .. BLAM! .. Along comes another pain .. right at the bottom of and to the right of my scar! Bummer!!!!
Off to hospital tomorrow for my exciting Flexible Sigmoidoscopy... something to look forward to .. NOT!

Happy Days!

Ouh look at that ...

... this is great news ...
While doing my 'get slim, get fit, get a healthy lifestyle' campaign I had two aides to give me an idea of steps and distances .. 1st is my Fitbit pedometer .. which gives me my daily steps, how many times I've been up stairs how sedentary I've been .. and the second one, since I got my iPhone off my ex's wife, is the Nike+ app .. which tells you distance and pace and maps the route you've done ... (I know it's for runners but, I love the route mapping part of it!!!!)... anyway I've looked back and it's shown me how much more mobile I've become! Hurrah!   Here goes ... starting on the day before I rushed to hospital ..

~ Oct 18th ~ 9830 steps  18 minutes to walk a mile.
~ Nov 9th ~ 1068 steps   56.29 minutes to walk a mile.
~ Jan 26th ~ 2972 steps  38 minutes to walk a mile.
~ Feb 6th ~ 4244 steps  30 minutes to walk a mile!
These mile distances are the average,  Nike+ gives you the average pace you take when walking!
Interesting though ... I'm speeding up on my little outings with Hubby .. which is FAB!

Happy Days! xxxx

Sorry ..

.. not done much lately, but then I've not felt up to doing much .. the Tramadol painkillers all 8 of them per day are making me tired and lethargic!  I haven't been in the right frame of mind for doing anything .... Having said all that, this week I've turned a corner!  The painkillers have meant that I could move around more and in doing so, it seems, I've released my adhesions!!!  The pain's more of a nagging ache now .. WHICH IS GREAT!  Sooo fingers crossed I'm on the up!!!!
I've been out three times since Wednesday last week ... Coffee in town twice, painting group and into town for a visit to the bank, post office and Boots (compeed patches for my newly acquired cold sore!!).
Half term next week ....

Today ..

... I realised how selfish I've become in all of this .. my pain is so all consuming that that's all I live my days too .. I'm a slave to my pain and sod everything else .. that's not good .... and I hate it ... I can't do anything with my hubby or my littlies cause I'm too busy being in pain!!! How long will this have to go on for?  Didn't paint last week, didn't go to SW this week like I had planned, I've not done anything with the littlies since before Christmas! ... I'm sitting being miserable!!! I have been out on the odd occasion .. but even that's governed by how my tummy feels!!!
Ho hum!

I have to say ...

... these painkillers are certainly making my life more bearable ... thank goodness ....
I can actually sit and move without it feeling like I've barbed wire circling my stomach .. it's more of an aching now!  Phew!  Mind you, I don't know how long it's good for one to be taking this amount of painkillers!!!!

Now that was fun ...

.. this morning I went to my neighbour and friends house for coffee, a good chat and catch up ... then for lunch I met up with my painting group for our Christmas get together .. we couldn't go before christmas as our tutor whizzed off on a cruise round that Caribbean, teaching the passengers how to paint ~ said he loved it and they're planning to do it again, him and his wife!
Anyway there was our group and our tutor's Wednesday morning group ... the food was ok, the waitress was not a nice lady but the conversation was fab, as always!  Oh puds were nice!!! Tee hee!

Well ...

... there we go ... still no further forward in knowing why I'm still in pain, but I've come away with strong painkillers and the prospect of a camera up my bottom to look forward to! Yipeeee! 
My consultant hopes that these pains are adhesions and that, with time (????), they will soften and become less painful, that he won't need to operate and that, fingers crossed, he can see no reason why I can't be back to, almost, like I was before I went in in October! Hhhmmh! Interesting!
Until that occurs ...  stronger painkillers 4 times a day, paracetamol four times a day,  morphine type patches a possibility if the stronger painkillers don't work!
Time scale ... endless at the moment!!!

Happy days! NOT!

Let's see ...

... If I get some answers .. off to see my consultant tomorrow ... I certainly hope he can tell me what's going on inside this painful tummy of mine!

A Healthy, Happy New Year!

 We had a real hoot here to welcome in the New Year!

Wii games, pontoon, pucket and some serious dancing by the Littlies!  My Little family is FAB!

HAPPY HEALTHY 2013!  xxxx