Sh*t!!!!!

So here we are, the back end of 2019 and my temple of a body is more of a ruin!!!
I’ve savaged myself into a state when I now am officially viewed as a type II diabetic. I have fatty liver disease, diverticulitis, AF, arthritis and benign non positional vertigo.  So all in all going well.   I had a bit of a breakdown and left work, which I loved, because of not being able to cope with everything!!!  I’m so unhappy!!!   My problem is not doing anything about it ... plus my lovely hubby, who seems to be a feeder, doesn’t help!!!! I’m eat rubbish......my ‘go to’ for everything is food .... happy-eat, sad-eat, cold-eat, hot-eat, celebrate-eat, commiserate-eat ... see my drift?
Today I’ve had my bloods done to see which medications the doctors want to put me on!  Can’t wait to find out!!!!
This depresses me even more, yet I’m sitting here eating M&Ms!!!!!!!

Enough Said!  I need help... but where do I go!?!?!?!?

Wow!

Such a long time since I last posted ...
To be honest I've been very busy with getting myself better, being in hospital, again, with a scare, work (full time now) and getting my eldest to University! He's only been there a week and I'm missing him .. he's having a whale of a time though.... party, party party!!!!
Youngest is, having just started sixth form, enjoying life too ... party, party, party .. though, finishing at more sociable hours!!!
Well I have, once again, joined SW .. I had to find one that I hadn't failed at ... luckily, a lovely little group in the next door village and it's over the side of town where I work, so I can just go there straight from work! Result!
My weigh in was a bit of a shocker!!!!! but in three weeks I've lost 7.5lbs.. so that's ok!
I'm trying to lose enough, so it shows, a bit, by Christmas!
Here's hoping!!!

Happy Days!
xx

H E L P!!!

This has gone beyond bad...

My health is in a terrible state, my body is falling to bits.. 

I now have;

Arterial filberation

Oesto arthritis in knees, hands, wrists

Diverticulitis 

I'm at the state where I don't even look at myself in mirrors anymore... my body disgusts me, let alone anybody that has the misfortune of looking at me! (A think my ex taught me!).

The more I loath myself and tell my self off about the weight gain, the more I eat junk food.

One of the big problems also is the fact that I'm in full time work (a job that I love) and am knackered when I get home (probs because of all the excess weight I'm lugging around) so don't stand around chopping vegetables etc...

Ugh!

It just keeps getting worse!

I REALLY NEED TO PULL MYSELF TOGETHER, GET A GRIP AND SORT MYSELF OUT!!!!!

This continuous weight gaining is not good!  Not only is it wrecking any chance of recovery for my knees, it's costing me a fortune in Gaviscon as all this crap food I'm eating is playing havoc with my insides.. So, I think, fingers crossed, that tonight, I might join good ole SW again but at another group! Of course I know damn well if anything resembling an excuse turns up I will grab it with greasy fingers and not go!!!

My sore knee's really getting me down, and, because I'm relying on a crutch too, my neck and shoulder are suffering! My legs are very swollen and bulbus and my clothes look AWFUL, that's mainly because I got rid of my larger sizes when I lost the three stone I've now put back on!! The result of all this is me not wanting to be seen in public!!!

Ho hum

Happy Days!

I hate, hate, hate myself!

That is all!

Ugh!

Well, this is still my view!

I had to cancel my Physio appointment today, which I REALLY need,  as I still can't be away from the loo!!!  It's a pain because my leg is uncomfortable atm, and I need to get the Physio people to check it out!  Ho hum!!! 

No work either! 

Roll on feeling better!

Happy days! Xx

Ok! What now?

Well......

Not content with the uncomfortable tummy, the weight gain, the leg damage, the unhappiness.... Life's thrown me another lemon!!!

Major stomach cramps and diarrhoea!  

Day two now ... My bum's so painful :-( 

Ho hum!  Happy Days. Xxxxxx